Communal Living: What will other people think?
Recently, as I was driving to work and listening to Christian radio, the hosts were discussing a "too old" list- listeners had been given lists of certain life-aspects and asked to vote on what age was "too old" for each one. At one point, one host said, "This one I can't say I fully agree with: 'Thirty-eight is too old to live with roommates.' Isn't the whole point of living with a roommate to save money? Who's too old to save money?"
Good question. Who is too old to save money?
Those of you who know me personally may already know that my lease on my apartment (shared with two roommates) ended August 9th, and, as my job-search hasn't landed me a teaching position yet, I had no way of getting approved for an apartment or paying rent without proof of income. I also didn't know where I could safely move and sign a lease- I live in a huge city, and, were I to sign a lease in one area of the metro and be offered a job in another area, I would be in for a year or six months of long, money-and-time-wasting commutes, especially with big-city traffic. Moving back with my parents was an option- but, I am not seeing any job openings in my field in their area (nor am I licensed to teach in the state they live in) and the cost of driving back to my current state every time I had a job interview would add up quickly. Thankfully, God opened a door for me to live in a communal setting, with a couple who purchased a large home intending to share it with others.
This is the second time in my life that I have lived in such a setting- while serving on the mission field in Spain, I lived with a married couple and their three children, and at one point two other teachers lived with us. At other points in my adult life, I have lived in a traditional college dormitory (with one roommate), on-campus and off-campus apartments and houses (usually with roommates), and with my parents (while I was support-raising to go on the mission field). I did live alone for one summer, and it wasn't particularly different from other settings where I have lived, except that it was quieter and I could shamelessly wear my pajamas all day. The bills and expenses I had to pay at each location varied, but I still had to pay them and manage my finances. I usually cooked my own food, and the only time I didn't have to pay for it was when I was living with my parents. I always did some of the housework and I've been doing my own laundry since I was in elementary school. I've usually had my own space, or I've shared my room with one other female, and I've known which parts of my home are "common" and which are private.
Living with other people saves tremendous amounts of money, and it is a great opportunity to build new relationships and be a blessing to those you live with. It is not, by any means, a reflection of maturity. In fact, living with other people is a great growing experience as it requires us to practice important interpersonal skills and learn how to cultivate relationships.
So, why the stigma about living with others? I think it boils down to our association with roommates or communal living: roommates are for college. Communal living is for people who aren't capable of maintaining their own home. Of course, these statements are nothing more than stereotypes; I have just listed all the "adult" responsibilities that I have carried, regardless of where I have lived. The problem with communal living is not the lack of responsibility or the delayed "growing up" that comes with it- the problem is that other people THINK that you are irresponsible or immature if you live in a communal or roommate setting.
And you know what? Most of my debt is from my education, but a good chunk of it comes from caring about what other people THINK. I have caused myself financial problems by "investing" in clothes, maintaining my physical appearance, decorating my personal spaces- all out of concern for what other people think. I have also been able to save myself from loads of further financial difficulties by choosing not to worry about other's opinions- yes, some people are quick to tell me what they think of the 18-year-old car that my parents gave me to help me through grad school (although, oddly enough, people who actually know cars tend to compliment me on it!), my flip phone (hey, I get to use it for free!), or my living arrangements. But their opinions don't matter. No one has given me a valid, research-based (or, better yet, Bible-based) reason why I should take out a loan for a newer car, spend extra money on an Iphone plan, or pay for a private apartment or home. I am a former missionary, graduate student, and a new teacher who is currently looking for her first job- there is no reason for me to try to create a lifestyle that makes me appear to be better off financially than I really am!
Good question. Who is too old to save money?
Those of you who know me personally may already know that my lease on my apartment (shared with two roommates) ended August 9th, and, as my job-search hasn't landed me a teaching position yet, I had no way of getting approved for an apartment or paying rent without proof of income. I also didn't know where I could safely move and sign a lease- I live in a huge city, and, were I to sign a lease in one area of the metro and be offered a job in another area, I would be in for a year or six months of long, money-and-time-wasting commutes, especially with big-city traffic. Moving back with my parents was an option- but, I am not seeing any job openings in my field in their area (nor am I licensed to teach in the state they live in) and the cost of driving back to my current state every time I had a job interview would add up quickly. Thankfully, God opened a door for me to live in a communal setting, with a couple who purchased a large home intending to share it with others.
This is the second time in my life that I have lived in such a setting- while serving on the mission field in Spain, I lived with a married couple and their three children, and at one point two other teachers lived with us. At other points in my adult life, I have lived in a traditional college dormitory (with one roommate), on-campus and off-campus apartments and houses (usually with roommates), and with my parents (while I was support-raising to go on the mission field). I did live alone for one summer, and it wasn't particularly different from other settings where I have lived, except that it was quieter and I could shamelessly wear my pajamas all day. The bills and expenses I had to pay at each location varied, but I still had to pay them and manage my finances. I usually cooked my own food, and the only time I didn't have to pay for it was when I was living with my parents. I always did some of the housework and I've been doing my own laundry since I was in elementary school. I've usually had my own space, or I've shared my room with one other female, and I've known which parts of my home are "common" and which are private.
Living with other people saves tremendous amounts of money, and it is a great opportunity to build new relationships and be a blessing to those you live with. It is not, by any means, a reflection of maturity. In fact, living with other people is a great growing experience as it requires us to practice important interpersonal skills and learn how to cultivate relationships.
So, why the stigma about living with others? I think it boils down to our association with roommates or communal living: roommates are for college. Communal living is for people who aren't capable of maintaining their own home. Of course, these statements are nothing more than stereotypes; I have just listed all the "adult" responsibilities that I have carried, regardless of where I have lived. The problem with communal living is not the lack of responsibility or the delayed "growing up" that comes with it- the problem is that other people THINK that you are irresponsible or immature if you live in a communal or roommate setting.
And you know what? Most of my debt is from my education, but a good chunk of it comes from caring about what other people THINK. I have caused myself financial problems by "investing" in clothes, maintaining my physical appearance, decorating my personal spaces- all out of concern for what other people think. I have also been able to save myself from loads of further financial difficulties by choosing not to worry about other's opinions- yes, some people are quick to tell me what they think of the 18-year-old car that my parents gave me to help me through grad school (although, oddly enough, people who actually know cars tend to compliment me on it!), my flip phone (hey, I get to use it for free!), or my living arrangements. But their opinions don't matter. No one has given me a valid, research-based (or, better yet, Bible-based) reason why I should take out a loan for a newer car, spend extra money on an Iphone plan, or pay for a private apartment or home. I am a former missionary, graduate student, and a new teacher who is currently looking for her first job- there is no reason for me to try to create a lifestyle that makes me appear to be better off financially than I really am!
So, hopefully I will have some exciting updates on the job front in the next few days- until then, the search (and the frugal living) continues!!
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